my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
