I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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