used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
