I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
