His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
