Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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