My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
