Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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