you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
