Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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