I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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