Your dad touched me again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
