Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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