I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
