Sry I called you an 8
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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