i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
