The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
