Kiss
Puke
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
