I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
