we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is the high leading the old right now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
