weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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