Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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