i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dignity is for republicans.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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