He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
