You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
