I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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