Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
