its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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