First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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