have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
