we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
