It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
from now on my penis is your penis
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
