guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
