They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
