Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
