There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
