How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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