I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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