Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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