i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
