Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
