i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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