I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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