You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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