Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
