Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
