Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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