I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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