I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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