when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
