At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
