so that wasnt chicken after all
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had to cum in my sink.
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