He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
