Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
