3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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