I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
