i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
