My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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