Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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