She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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