There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
