I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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