did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
