fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Randomize