smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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