Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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