We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were destined to go to rehab together
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
