I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
