1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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